As an introverted extrovert, I have always kept my relationships in tiers. Granted, we all do, either subconsciously or consciously...but I think I've always paid more attention to volume and the general hazards associated with it.
Earlier today, and again last week, I received a text message from a number I didn't recognize. I may have had this number stored in a previous phone and forgotten to add it to my sim card, or perhaps it was just a name I forgot to add to my list. Whatever the history, this person has been texting me lately, and it's clear they know me and feel very comfortable with me. I'm a little weirded out that I have no idea who this person is.
I've teetered into that territory where it feels awkward to admit to the other person that you have no idea who you're chatting with. Especially when they've been very forthcoming about their activities and goals and happenings...and you're still clueless as to who they might be. Sooner or later, I'm either going to confess or this person will say something that instantly triggers something in my mind.
But that's not that the purpose of this post. It's just an introduction.
Despite my own reticence in opening up and letting people in my comfy, water resistant and shock retardant shell, I like to be of comfort and support to people when I sense they might need someone to talk to. I think I do that fairly well. Problem is...I wind up forming pseudo relationships with people who feel a measure of intimate closeness to me...while I still very much regard them as an acquaintance. Someone I might extend a warm word with, or even hug...but don't feel required to divulge my intimate thoughts and feelings to.
The circle of intimate friends for me, know more of me than anyone. They can see beyond my veneer of togetherness and strength to the woman I am beneath it all. This group of people I call friends is small. Very small. And I like it that way. These people are my secret keepers, my tear driers, my inspiration and the ones who can say most anything to without fear of judgment or criticism. They are actively engaged in my life and welfare. They do more than leave a clever comment on facebook or offer a drive-by IM that's supposed to remind me that they "think of me." With this circle of friends, there is no record of time or measure of interaction. They simply, have my soul to keep. They know it. And they take that tie seriously. Even when it can't be nurtured through heavy interaction.
I feel them. Their moods, their happiness, their heaviness and they feel mine. Those connections, while few...mean more to me than anyone would ever know.
I'll admit I don't have too much patience or consideration for relationships that are superficial. I'd rather have 10 people in this world that have my soul to keep, than to be a time/space filler for a hundred others.